Mother Bird
Raising children in a modern democracy introduces unique challenges; chief among them is how to impose some measure of authority in a society that promotes individual choices, freedom and rights?
As parents it is our responsibility to show our children unconditional love, but also to set boundaries for our children. We often hesitate and wonder what right do we have to teach our children to respect us? What right do we have to impose our perspective on our children? Perhaps our children know best when they argue that our suggested bedtime is too early and our taste in fashion is outdated?
We watch with amazement as our children surpass us in the ease with which they navigate technology, and wonder: perhaps we are holding them back, perhaps they know what's best for themselves in this changing world, perhaps they are better suited to creating their own boundaries just as they are in writing their own computer code?
In this week’s portion, Ki Teitze, the Torah provides deep insight about the importance of honoring parents. The Torah instructs us how to treat a mother bird:
If a bird's nest chances before you on the road, on any tree, or on the ground, and [it contains] fledglings or eggs, if the mother is sitting upon the fledglings or upon the eggs, you shall not take the mother upon the young. You shall send away the mother, and [then] you may take the young for yourself, in order that it should be good for you, and you should lengthen your days. [1]
A person may not take the eggs or young birds together with the mother, instead he must send away the mother before he takes the children. Taking the mother bird together with the children exploits the mother's natural kindness to her children which causes her to stay with her children and not escape. The Torah commands us to send away the mother in respect of the mother bird's natural motherly devotion.
The Torah is teaching us more than just to respect our parents who brought us into this world, as described in the fifth of the Ten Commandments: “honor your father and your mother”. With its instruction to send away the mother bird the Torah is teaching us that we have to respect parenthood in general, even if the parent isn't our parent and even if she is not a member of our species. Respecting a parent brings to our attention that every phenomenon has a parent, a source, from which it derives. That, in turn, makes us conscious that the entire world has a source, a parent, a creator. G-d, the first cause, the parent of all existence, who possesses the power to create, bestowed that power to a created being, gifting him or her with the ability to give life.
Thus, when we teach our children to honor their parents we are not asserting our own right to authority, we are not claiming that we are always correct or that we always know all the answers. We are teaching our children to respect their parents because their parents are a vessel to the Divine power to create.
Immediately following the Mitzvah to send away the mother bird the Torah continues:
When you build a new house, you shall make a guard rail for your roof, so that you shall not cause blood [to be spilled] in your house, that the one who falls should fall from it [the roof]. [2]
Once our children learn to recognize that their parents were gifted with a Divine creating power, they will discover that same creative spirit within themselves. They will learn that G-d placed within their souls the imagination and spirit to create, they too, can “build a new home” and leave their unique imprint and contribution upon the world. When they realize that their creative ability is a Divine gift, they will ensure that it is used in a responsible way, in a way that is not harmful to other people. They will create a “fence” on the “roof” of the “home they built” to ensure that others are not harmed, and that the gift of creativity is used consistent with the will of G-d, the “parent” of the ability to create.
Teach your children to respect their parents. They will learn to respect the Divine spark wherever they see it: within their parents, within nature and within themselves. [3]
[1] Deuteronomy 22:6-7. 5
[2] Ibid. 22:8.
[3] Inspired by the commentary of the Kli Yakar.