Shattering Perfection
Parents often ask: “I do everything for my children, so why are they so disrespectful to me?” The answer may just be right there in the question: it may just be because “I do everything for my children”.
To allow children to mature, we must give them the space to take the initiative. If we tell them all the answers they may receive a perfect grade but they still will not know how to solve the problem. We must step aside and give them responsibility. They may make mistakes, they will certainly not be perfect, but they will grow, they will change and, eventually, they will be transformed. The same is true for students and colleagues as well. The more you give them space to invest their own effort, to “make the call” themselves, the more they will internalize the goals and vision you are seeking to impart to them.
There is no better illustration of this truth than the dramatic story of the creation of the golden calf and its aftermath.
Just forty days after the revelation at Sinai, where the people heard the Ten Commandments directly from G-d, who quite literally had done everything for them, the people abandoned everything they had been taught and served the golden calf.
Moses descended from the mountain holding the most perfect set of tablets; the Torah tells us that both the words engraved on the stone as well as the stone itself were “G-d’s work”:
Now the tablets were God's work, and the inscription was God's inscription, engraved on the tablets.[1]
Our sages explain that if the Jews would have received the first set of tablets they would have achieved perfection in their Torah study, there would be no forgetfulness[2], no questions, no confusion, because the first set of tablets were Divine and would bestow perfection on the people receiving them.
Moses descended from the mountain, holding the tablets, and saw the most terrible scene imaginable: his beloved people who had experienced the miracles of the exodus were dancing around a golden calf. He must have asked himself a version of this question: “If G-d did everything for his children, how could they do this to him?”
Moses knew the answer. He understood that he was literally holding the answer to the question in his hands. The tablets, the handiwork of G-d, represented the problem. Everything was being giving to the people, they were experiencing greatness without any effort. And the tablets were about to impart within them wisdom that they did not have to struggle to achieve.
Having just seen the terrible results of a people who were not required to invest effort, Moses did the unthinkable. He shattered the tablets. He shattered the perfection. He understood that the people would not mature and internalize the truth without struggle and human effort.
G-d agreed and thanked Moses for shattering of the tablets. And then, commanded Moses to prepare a second set of tablets. This time, however, only the words were inscribed by G-d, while Moses was the one who prepared the stones:
And the Lord said to Moses: "Hew for yourself two stone tablets like the first ones. And I will inscribe upon the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke.[3]
This time, the study of the Divine words of the Torah would be accompanied by the human stones, and human shortcomings. This time around the study of Torah entailed struggle, questions and disagreements. To grasp the clarity of Torah requires human effort to overcome forgetfulness and drill through obstacles.
Moses taught us that in order to influence ourselves, our children or our colleagues, we too must seek the gift of responsibility, to invest our own efforts and allow ourselves to struggle and ultimately to conquer our challenges through our own achievement.[4] We must shatter the notion of perfection.
We must give others the space to fail and rise again, we must give others the space to internalize the vision.
We must give others the gift of the second tablets.
[1] Exodus 32:16.
[2] Talmud Eiruvin 54a. See Mammar Viyten Licha 5666.
[3] Exodus 34:1.
[4] See Sichas Shabbos Ki Tisa 5752.