Climbing the Ladder of Love
Each and every episode of the patriarchs that is recorded in the Torah is relevant to the story of every single Jew. There are events in the lives of the patriarchs, that are essential to the story - for example: Abraham discovering the one G-d at an early age and his debates with the people of his native land – and yet, they are not recorded in the Torah. By contrast, there are details that seem trivial, yet they are recorded in the Torah. That is because the Torah records only those aspects that are relevant to us; the Torah records only those episodes that will recur, in some form or another, in the life of every Jew.
Who was Abraham? What did he stand for? What does he teach us?
Chassidic philosophy teaches that Abraham embodied loving-kindness, love to his fellow human beings, love toward the people closest to him, and love toward his creator. If there is one theme that runs through many of the stories about Abraham, it is the theme of love; his love to G-d as well as his love to people who were not necessarily deserving of love: his love to his nephew Lot, his older son Yishmael and to the wicked people of Sedom. Abraham’s journeys, to Israel and especially his journeys within Israel, is a story about Abraham’s journey toward achieving true love.
This week’s Parsha [1], begins with G-d commanding Abraham to “go forth” and begin a new journey:
And the Lord said to Abram, "Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father's house, to the land that I will show you".
The Torah describes how Abraham fulfilled the commandment and travelled to what will later become the Promised Land, and how he built an altar to G-d:
And the Lord appeared to Abram, and He said, "To your seed I will give this land," and there he built an altar to the Lord, Who had appeared to him.[2]
Why does Abraham decide to build an altar to G-d precisely at this time and place? Rashi[3] explains, that Abraham built the altar to thank G-d for the two great promises he had just received: the promise that he would have children, and the promise that he would receive the land, as Rashi puts it:
And there he built an altar: [in thanksgiving] for the good tidings concerning his descendants and the good tidings concerning the Land of Israel.
In the following verse we read about Abraham journeying to the next stop in his travels, near a place called Ai, where, once again, he built an altar to G-d:
And he moved from there to the mountain, east of Bethel, and he pitched his tent; Bethel was to the west and Ai was to the east, and there he built an altar to the Lord, and he called in the name of the Lord.[4]
Why did Abraham decide to build this second altar? Rashi explains:
And there he built an altar: He (Abraham) prophesied that his sons were destined to stumble there because of the iniquity of Achan, and he prayed there for them.
The story continues. Abraham was forced to move to Egypt because of the famine. His wife Sarah, (at that point her name was still Saray), was taken to Pharaoh. Subsequently, she was saved from Pharaoh, they returned to Israel, Abraham and his nephew Lot parted ways, and Abraham reached the city of Chevron, where he built his third and final altar:
And Abram pitched his tents, and he came, and he dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the Lord.
Why did Abraham decide to build the third altar? Being that Rashi explained why he built the first two, we would therefore expect Rashi to explain the rationale for the third one, yet, mysteriously, Rashi is silent. This is because, once we understand the lesson of the three altars, we will understand why Abraham built the third altar, and we will understand why no reason is given for its construction.
In general, there are three stages of love. These three levels are represented by the three altars that Abraham built.
The first stage of love, is a love motivated by a benefit received. We fall in love because of what we receive from the relationship. Because of what the relationship does for us. Because we like the way it makes us feel. Because we like what we get from the relationship.
The second stage is more complicated. We fall in love, and then, sometimes, we grow apart. Eventually, a distance springs up between us and the recipient of our love. This distance is painful. There is, however, a second stage of love. This love is motivated by “returning” to the original love, after the feeling of separation. The second stage of love is fueled by the pain experienced from being distant from our beloved.
Finally, there is a third stage of love. This love is not motivated by what we receive from the love, nor is it motivated by the pain felt by the lack of it. The third level of love is all about connecting to the object of the love for its own sake. The third stage of love is not about the one loving, it is about the beloved. We are drawn to connect, not because of something we will receive, not because of the pain we will endure if we lack the connection, but rather because there is no other way. We sense that, like the bond between parents and children, deep down we are one.
The story of Abraham’s travels in the land of Israel, is the story of a man journeying toward a relationship and love to G-d. Each altar represents another stage of love.
The first altar that Abraham built, the first stage of Abraham's love to G-d, is based on the benefit that Abraham would receive. As Rashi explains, Abraham built the altar; he connected to G-d, because he understood that the relationship was beneficial to himself. He had just been promised the blessing of children and he had just been gifted with the Land of Israel.
Abraham traveled further. He came to a place called Ai, he sensed that his descendants would sin at this very location. He wasted no time, he built an altar. He teaches his children that sin can be a cause to connect to G-d. That estrangement is, in fact, key to a second, and deeper, stage of love. He teaches his children that love intensifies when it overcomes the pain of separation.
Finally, Abraham reaches the city of Chebron. The word Chevron comes from the Hebrew word “Chibur” which means connection. In Chebron, Abraham reaches the third, and ultimate, stage of love. Abraham built an altar. Why did he build this altar? Rashi is silent. Rashi’s silence communicates a deep truth. There is no reason for this altar, no reason for this relationship. This stage of love is not based on reason; it is not based on a benefit that Abraham will receive. Why build the altar? For no reason other than to be connected to G-d. Not for any personal benefit, spiritual or otherwise, but for the sake of the bond itself.
Abraham is the patriarch of each and every Jew. We read about his journeys, not merely for historical information, but as a lesson for our life, a lesson in our relationships, and a lesson for our bond with G-d. We read the story to inspire us to seek to reach the final stage of love. As Maimonides[5] describes:
One who serves [God] out of love occupies himself in the Torah and the Mitzvot and walks in the paths of wisdom for no ulterior motive: not because of fear that evil will occur, nor in order to acquire benefit. Rather, he does what is true because it is true… This is a very high level, which is not merited by every wise man. It is the level of our Patriarch, Abraham, whom God described as, "he who loved Me," for his service was only motivated by love. [6]
[1] Genesis 12:1.
[2] Genesis 12:7
[3] Rashi, Genesis 12:7.
[4] Genesis 12:8.
[5] Maimonides, laws of repentance chapter 10.
[6] Inspired by the teachings of the Rebbe, Lekutey Sichos, Lech Licha Vol. 30, Sicha 1.