How to Speak Hard Truths “These are the words which Moses spoke to all Israel”, is the opening phrase of Deuteronomy, the fifth book of the Torah, where Moses speaks to the Jewish people on the final days of his life. In these parting words, he offers a powerful lesson on how to deliver difficult truths effectively, showing us that successful critique requires a foundation of trust, a focus on success, and a balance between rebuke and appreciation. Moses speaks words of rebuke, recounting the stories of their past failings, including the episode of the spies, when they were convinced that they would not be able to conquer the land, and it was decreed that they would remain in the desert for forty years. However, toward the end of the portion, Moses shifts from events almost forty years in the past, and focuses in great detail on the events of the recent months: the conquest of the lands east of the Jordan. Moses focusing on these recent triumphs prompts the question: why would Moses spend so much time reminding the people in such detail about events they themselves experienced just a short time earlier? In his parting words to his beloved people, Moses offers words of encouragement for the future, but also offers words of rebuke and critique, which are critical to growth and success. This portion offers valuable lessons on how to offer effective critique to the people we care about and love. Moses waited for the appropriate time to offer his comments. He waited until he was sure that the people realized that he was talking to them for their own benefit, as Rashi explains: Moses said: If I rebuke them before they enter [at least] part of the land, they will say, “What [claim] has this [man] on us? What good has he ever done for us? He has come only to vex us and to find some pretext, for he does not have the power to bring us into the land.” Therefore, he [Moses] waited until he had defeated Sihon and Og before them and had given them possession of their land, and [only] afterwards did he rebuke them. Moses demonstrates another essential point in offering rebuke: while Moses describes the failure of the people, he spends more time highlighting their successes. The central failing that Moses addresses is their rejection of the land of Israel on account of their fear of battle; but Moses spends even more time describing how the Jewish people displayed courage and faith in G-d, succeeding in conquering the two powerful kings, Sihon and Og. Moses understood that words of critique would not be effective if they were the only words spoken. To offer critique, one must also offer words of appreciation and affirmation of one’s accomplishments, good qualities and intrinsic worth. Only then will the critique be accepted as intended, leading not to defensiveness but to growth and deeper connection.