Three Ways to Nurture your Relationship What is the secret to maintaining a happy and meaningful marriage? What actions could nurture a relationship and allow it to deepen? In general there are three courses of action: 1) engage in activities that both spouses enjoy. Doing so highlights the things they have in common, and deepens the bond based on shared interests. 2) spouses should do things to express the love that they have for each other, especially during anniversaries when it is easier to recreate the feelings of love and happiness that were experienced in the past. But engaging in shared interests is not enough to sustain the deep bond necessary for a healthy marriage. Because a relationship requires commitment. 3) Occasionally each spouse should do something for the other specifically because the other spouse enjoys it. A relationship cannot survive without commitment. Engaging in an activity solely for the benefit of the spouse demonstrates and exercises the commitment, which deepens the relationship. These three aspects of deepening a relationship, shared interests, remembering the intense love, and acts of devotion, are also present in our relationship with G-d. These are the three categories of commandments in the Torah. The first category is Mishpatim, the Torah’s civil law, which fills up most of this week's portion. These laws are logical. These are the commandments that make sense to us. These laws allow us to relate and share a perspective with the Divine wisdom. In these laws we and G-d have a shared perspective and interest. The second category of commandments are called Edut, testimonials, which are designed to remind us of the love and kindness that G-d has done to us in the past. They are the holidays which are the anniversary celebrations which allow us to re-experience the feelings of love. But shared interests and love are not enough. Relationships require commitment. The Torah therefore introduces the category of Chukim, decrees, which are the commandments that cannot be explained rationally. We do them not because we appreciate G-ds perspective, nor because they remind us of His love for us. But rather, we do them because we know that there is no relationship without commitment. In some ways, they are the deepest expressions of our bond. All three categories are critical to a relationship, which is why, even our Parsha, Mishpatim, which highlights the logical commandments, also includes laws that are testimonials, and laws that are decrees. This reminds us that every relationship requires all three forms of love.
ב"ה