The Meaning of Kindness When it came time for Isaac to marry, Abraham called his servant Eliezer and appointed him to go to Abraham's birthplace to find a wife for Isaac. And Abraham said to his servant, the elder of his house, who ruled over all that was his, "Please place your hand under my thigh. And I will adjure you by the Lord, the God of the heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose midst I dwell. But you shall go to my land and to my birthplace, and you shall take a wife for my son, for Isaac." (Genesis 24:2-4) The commentators explain that the Canaanite girls were unkind. Abraham understood that the most important criteria in marriage and the foundational quality for the matriarch of the Jewish people is kindness. Indeed, when Eliezer arrived in Charan, he created a test to determine which girl possesses the attribute of kindness. Analyzing Eliezer's test gives us insight into the true meaning of kindness. The Torah relates: And the servant ran toward her, and he said, "Please let me sip a little water from your pitcher." And she said, "Drink, my lord." And she hastened and lowered her pitcher to her hand, and she gave him to drink. And she finished giving him to drink, and she said, "I will also draw for your camels, until they will have finished drinking." And she hastened, and she emptied her pitcher into the trough, and she ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels. (Genesis 24:17-20) Eliezer asked for a sip of water. Yet Rebekah understood that the full extent of kindness is not merely responding to a request. Rebekah understood that beneath the articulated need lie a deeper need. This story is relevant to each of us. In our relationships, we sometimes wait for a child, spouse, colleague or friend, to articulate what they need, and when they do, we try to provide support. Rebekah, on the other hand, teaches us to look for the deeper need that is not articulated. Rebekah teaches us to be present and in tune with the people around us. Rebekah teaches us that true kindness begins with a deep awareness of another person, which allows us to give without waiting to be asked.
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