Three Dimensions of a Wholesome Relationship
Every Jewish home has the potential of becoming a home for G-d, similar to the tabernacle which we read about in this week’s portion. Our sages teach that “when man and woman merit, the Divine presence dwells among them”, for human relationships are a reflection of the relationship between the supernal bride and groom, the Jewish people and G-d.
The tabernacle had three sections: (1) the innermost chamber, the holy of holies, which contained nothing but the ark of covenant (2) the outer chamber, the holy, which contained the Menorah, the table for the showbread, and the incense altar (3) the courtyard which contained the outer alter upon which the offerings were offered. These sections, and the vessels they contain, represent three dimensions in our relationship with G-d, as well as three dimensions in the human relationship between husband and wife.
The outer chamber (2) represents the emotional bond. The three vessels within the outer chamber represent the three primary emotions necessary for a wholesome relationship. The Menorah represents the attribute of Chesed (love, kindness, giving), the desire to become one, the yearning to connect. Love alone is insufficient. Because love is an expression of self. In order to truly relate to someone else, one needs the figurative table of bread, which represents Gevurah (respect, discipline). Respect is just as critical as love. Respect is the ability to understand that our partner has their own identity with a perspective, and needs, different from our own. If love is the drive to become one, respect is making space for the other’s individuality. Respect allows one to reach the third, and deepest emotion. The incense altar symbolizes Tiferet, (compassion and empathy). Tiferet is the ability to feel connected to someone who is distinct, to sense the harmony in two distinct voices uniting.
The courtyard (3) is where offerings were brought on the altar, representing the ability to use the physical aspects of the world in the service of G-d. When one uses a physical object to do a good deed he is “elevating” the object and connecting it to holiness. The same is true in human relationships. The outer courtyard represents the ability to use experiences to enhance the relationship. Any experience can cause tension and separation or it can be used to enhance a bond. For example, when eating together, the food could be a distraction, where each person is chiefly concerned about their food, or it could be an experience that brings a couple closer to each other.
While the courtyard represents how physical objects and experiences can enhance the relationship, and the outer chamber represents the emotional relationship, the inner chamber, the holy of holies, represents a deeper truth. The Cherubim covering the ark, in the shape of a male and female, emerged from a single piece of gold. At the core of our identity our soul is one with G-d. We are not two separate entities seeking to connect but rather, the soul is a part of G-d. The same is true regarding human relationships: the inner chamber is the intimate union which expresses the mystical truth that man and woman are one entity; two halves of one soul.